A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot to the left costs $500.”
“Why does the parrot cost so much?” the customer asks.
The owner says, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”
The customer asks about the next parrot and is told, “That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.”
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told, “That one costs $2,000.”
Needless to say this begs the question, “What can IT do?”
The owner replies “To be honest I’ve never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!”
Tags: parrot joke, boss joke
“What’s your golf score?” the country club interviewer asked the prospective new member.
“Well, not so good,” replied the golfer. “It’s 69.”
“Hey, that’s not bad. In fact, it’s very good.”
“Glad you think so,” the golfer confided. “I’m hoping to do even better on the next hole.”
Tags: golf joke, golf score, 69
Need a refresher on what being a bad employee is like? Perhaps the following video can give you some helpful tips on how to avoid being one.
Tags: bad employee, funny work video
If you’re responsible for handling antidiscrimination cases, it’s probably best not to go about sexually harassing your fellow coworkers. Some employees of the Utah Antidiscrimination and Labor Division found this out the hard way as the division is now being sued by an ex-employee that was supposedly sexually harassed.
Since the details of the case aren’t that clear, all I can say is that every time a case like this comes up, I for one reason or another take the company’s side over the supposed “victim’s”. If the person was legitimately harassed, then obviously they have a right to sue, but I’ve been in work environments where people were petrified to say anything at all because of a few select employees that were known to raise hell at the sign of anything remotely inappropriate.
Should an entire office be forced to have a much more boring, fear driven environment because a single employee is overly sensitive? Again, true harassment of any kind should be punished, but people have taken things way too far.
File that under harassment harassment.
Tags: sexual harassment, antidiscrimination division, Utah
While love may be in the air this Valentine’s Day, that love better not pollute the air for 1/3 of US companies. That’s right, a third of US companies have policies against office romances, even though about 38% of employees claim to have met their significant others at work. Granted, that 38% were not all from companies “banning” office romances, but nearly 4 out of 10 workers say they ignore their company’s “love ban”.
I totally understand how things can get awkward at the workplace if an office romance goes bad. Heck, even if it doesn’t go bad, some office romances can complicate things for more than just the two people involved. However, I just don’t see how companies can ban office romances. All that will do is force people to try and hide it more. Besides, a happy employee is a good employee right? And what employee is happier than an employee in love?
File that under don’t romance your office.
Tags: office romance, valentine’s day
People break out into fights all the time when alcohol is involved, but this is the fire time I’ve heard of an altercation get started because the booze tasted like urine. The alcohol in question was a whiskey from a hotel mini-bar and the person who tasted it got thrown out of the hotel when he had a scuffle with the director over the incident. To make matters worse, the man (a software engineer) then got fired from his job when his company found out about the whole thing.
Not surprising, the man is now suing the hotel. Depending on how exactly it all went down, I’d say he is probably justified in his suit, though he may have overreacted and took it all out on an innocent hotel employee, so I guess we’ll never know.
File that under urine trouble now!
Tags: hotel mini-bar
I’ve heard of some interesting ideas for tax write-offs, but a company wanting to have deductions for the $860,000 it paid in overseas kickbacks is definitely near the top of the list.
What’s next? Deductions for bribing officials and gambling away embezzled cash? Ok, so the courts rejected the company’s attempts for “creative” deductions, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say a lot of companies find much more interesting things to write-off and get away with it all the time.
File that under deduct your deductions.
Tags: tax deductions, company kickbacks
A guy came home early and found his wife in bed with another man. “What the hell are you doing?” shouted the irate husband.
“See,” the wife said to the man lying beside her. “Didn’t I tell you that he doesn’t know a thing about sex?”
Tags: adultery joke, sex joke
There’s always a bit of controversy surrounding office romances. Some believe taking a dip in the company ink can be a risky manuever that could add extra stress and drama to the workplace. A new survey seems to prove otherwise as it claims office flings can help productivity and worker happiness.
They say a happy employee is a good employee right? Well, as long as the office romance works out, that should make for two extra happy employees. Of course, if the fling falls apart, that’s when it’s time to worry.
File that under romancing your office.
Tags: office romance, office flings
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball… stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. “That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”
Tags: golf joke, wife humor
Loading ...
