Three gentlemen are golfing one day. They come to a difficult par with a water trap just after the tee. The first golfer hits his ball right into the water. To retrieve it, he approaches the water and extends his golf club. The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on the green.
The second golfer hits his ball toward the water, but rather than sink, the ball floats on top of the water. The golfer walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.
The third golfer hits his the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to sink. As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth. At that very moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft. As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then drops the fish into a nearby tree. When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the ball pops out, rolls down across the green and right into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, “You know, I hate golfing with your Father.”
Tags: golf joke, god joke
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it ” soots ” him!
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it’s to far to walk
Tags: Chistmas jokes, Winter jokes
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claus-trophobic.
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive” ?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What’s a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Tags: Christmas jokes
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.
Tags: Christmas jokes
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claws!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Tags: Christmas jokes
For some reason the holiday season brings about the friskier side in people – especially in the office. You may want to make sure you’re alone though when you decide to have at it on some office desks after work.
Actually, the email referenced in the article kind of makes it seem that the person is implying the couple may not have been employees but rather some friends or even strangers that walked into the building. It does mention that they have a free bar on the 5th floor… I’m guessing that just might attract people off the street.
File that under offices and beer and holiday cheer.
Tags: office parties, holiday sex
Q: What carries round a sack and bites people?
A: Santa Jaws
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Tags: christmas jokes, corny jokes
Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. “What is it you have lost?” he asked.
“My watch,” replied the drunk. “It fell off when I tripped over the pavement.”
The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. “Where exactly did you trip?” asked the passer-by.
“About half a block up the street,” replied the drunk.
“Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?”
The drunk said: “Because the light’s a lot better here.”
Tags: drunk joke, drinking humor
An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”
The patrolman says, “May I see your license?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.” The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had.”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU,” the old man yells.
Tags: elderly joke, driving humor
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces that after dinner, she would like to go out and have sex for the first time. Of course, the boy is ecstatic.
He takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy patiently. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
Time passes, and MORE time. Finally, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.” He hisses back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”
Tags: sex joke, condom humor
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