I'd love to, but...

• I'm taking punk totem pole carving.


• I have to fluff my shower cap.


• I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.


• I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.


• I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.


• my plot to take over the world is thickening.


• I have to fulfill my potential.


• I don't want to leave my comfort zone.


• it's too close to the turn of the century.


• I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.


• my subconscious says no.


• I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.


• I left my body in my other clothes.


• the last time I went, I never came back.


• I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.


• I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.


• none of my socks match.


• I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.


• I'm having all my plants neutered.


• people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.


• I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.


• I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."


• I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.


• my yucca plant is feeling yucky.


• I'm touring China with a wok band.


• my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.


• I never go out on days that end in "Y."


• my mother would never let me hear the end of it.


• I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.


• I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.


• I'm too old/young for that stuff.


• I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.


• I have too much guilt.