A new survey has revealed that about one out of every five employees stole supplies from their office during the past year. The survey also claims that the biggest burglars are those employees making $75,000 or more.
It may seem shocking that the employees earning the most steal the most, but when you’re already making so much money, you’re probably not going to waste your time on small stuff like paper clips or staplers. Once you start making six figures a year, you’re probably eyeing the plasma TV in the break room or the 100 gallon aquarium in the lobby. I wonder what somebody like Donald Trump would steal from an office.
File that under if it ain’t attached, it’s fair game.
Tags: office theft, office supplies
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.
Tags: funny sayings, sarcastic sayings
Did you know that you can easily subscribe to all the great office humor posts you see here using this RSS feed? Don’t know exactly what an RSS feed is or why you should subscribe? Well, if you use My Yahoo, Bloglines, Google’s newly renamed iGoogle, or any other blog/feed reader, you can take the Office Humor Blog feed link posted above and have all the jokes, pranks, news, videos, and more right there on your feed reading program/webpage.
Of course, if that all sounds incredibly complicated and confusing, there are some convenient short cut links on the bottom of the right panel here that will allow you to quickly and easily add Office Humor Blog posts to your favorite feed sites.
Tags: office humor feed, office humor rss
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
I am having an out of money experience.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A day without sunshine is like night.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Tags: sarcastic sayings, funny sayings
What working person doesn’t love the movie Office Space? You’ve probably seen it, and hopefully loved it, but you probably thought it was a comedy didn’t you? Well, maybe you should watch it again, perhaps recut to show the true nature of the film.
Tags: Office Space, Office Space parody
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Stupidity got us into this mess - why can’t it get us out?
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn’t get worse every year.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
I don’t get even, I get odder.
Tags: sarcastic sayings, funny sayings
When your boss asks you what you did last night, you’re going to want to think long and hard before your respond because there’s no telling what your boss will do with that information.
Tags: funny office video
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20″ and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation “Genesis 3:10.” Upon opening his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will dine with him, and he with me.”
Genesis 3:10 reads: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.”
Tags: Bible joke, pastor humor
Teacher’s have a hell of a job dealing with unruly students, but posting about those frustrations publicly on a blog is probably a bad idea. Calling your students shits and then insulting the parents is a quick way of making things much worse.
While the school looks into the matter, the teacher in question, Julie Bois, claims she didn’t create the post and refuses to talk about it any more than that. I’d like to think she did write it, as I know students can be little demons these days, but then again, you can’t just go about calling them all little shits - even if that’s what some of them are.
File that under when blog posts attack.
Tags: teacher blog
That’s not right…
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?…
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP…
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man…
Dum Gai
Small Horse…
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?…
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table…
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift…
Chin Tu Fat
It’s very dark in here…
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet…
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone…
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week…
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight…
Lei Ying Lo
He’s cleaning his automobile…
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive…
Yu Stin Ki Pu
Tags: Chinese humor, Chinese language
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