Office Humor Blog

If your office doesn’t have a copier - and I mean one of those large ones that people can sit on - then perhaps you should get one because you never know when something good might get caught on tape…

Tags: office copier, copy butt, copy boobs

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Tags: funny classifieds

It seems as though everybody eventually ends up with a nickname at work. Whether they’re funny, sarcastic, or just plain goofy, nicknames are generally done in good fun around the office, but sometimes you’re stuck with something you’d rather not have. Of course, I doubt many can say they’ve had a nickname as bad as “Looking for Death“.

While I do think it’s pretty bad to give somebody a mean-spirited nickname like “Looking for Death”, I don’t really think it’s sue worthy. Then again, my nicknames generally are more standard fair, like “chuckles”, “giggles”, or “guy with horrible odor and funny looking face”. Ok, so I thankfully haven’t been called that last one - at least, not that I know of.

File that under nicknames are powerful… use them wisely.

Tags: work nicknames, office nicknames, looking for death

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Tags: funny classifieds

Looking for a fun job this summer? How about beer or ice cream tester? No? What about adult movies? Still not your cup of tea? Well fine then, go check out this list of the best summer jobs and see if anything else catches your eye.

Now, if they came up with a job that combined most of the jobs in that list - count me in. Like an ice cream taster for an adult movie that takes place on a NASA space shuttle. Hell yeah.

Tags: summer jobs

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don’t have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can’t lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Tags: beer humor, religion humor beer joke

Salary.com has released the results of their 2007 Wasting Time Survey and it reveals that employees waste an average of 1.7 hours during an 8.5 work day. 63% of those surveyed said they waste time at work, with 34.7% saying surfing the net as the top time waster.

I’d like to think this site has helped increase those numbers, but apparently the amount of time wasted has dropped 19% from 2005’s survey. I guess I’m not doing my job then eh?

File that under must… waste… more… time…

Tags: time wasters, Salary.com

A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing “We forgot the “R”, We forgot the “R” His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word is celebrate.” “The word is celebRate.”

Tags: celebate joke, monk joke

Your office have a swear jar? No? Maybe you should think about getting one…

Tags: swear jar, bud commercial, funny work video

You live in the Midwest when…

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”

You live in Florida when…

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Tags: state jokes, Florida, Midwest humor