CareerBuilder has posted their list of the 15 weirdest work stories of 2007. For the 15 weirdest, you’d think they’d all be great, but unfortunately there’s quite a few on the list that I’d hardly call weird - though it’s definitely still worth checking out for the few gems.
A few examples of the bad ones include a story about a person eating 32 items from vending machines for charity and 4 women being fired for gossiping. Some good ones include a story about an employee stealing 1 million screws home from work over 2 years and one about two workers being murdered by their boss for contually asking for a raise.
Check out the full list to see if any more pique your interest.
File that under mental note - make sure boss isn’t packing heat during next review.
Tags: weird work stories, work humor
A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody– it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, “Here’s what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water’s edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do.”
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. “You did as I suggested?” he asked.
“Absolutely,” replied the businessman.
“You went to the beach?”
“Absolutely.”
“You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?”
“Absolutely.”
“You let the pages rifle until they stopped?”
“Absolutely.”
“And what were the first words you saw?”
“Chapter 11.”
Tags: Chapter 11, business joke
Do you consider yourself a step above being a “general type of moron”? If so, it looks like you’re in luck because more and more businesses seem to be setting their hiring standards to an all time low - so if you don’t do drugs, are on time, don’t cuss too much, and keep drinking to a minimum, you should be good to go.
Ok, so the person interviewed in the article has had an incredibly bad string of luck with her employees and she really hasn’t changed her hiring requirements, merely her approach to advertising for new hires. While I really do love her blunt job ad, I fear it would probably attract those who couldn’t be hired elsewhere as they see it as an easier job to get.
File that under drunks and druggies union up in arms.
Tags: job requirements, hiring practices
- You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.
- The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance.
- Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.
- You work full time and you still qualify for food stamps.
- You empty out your piggy bank and then cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham.
- All you can think about morning, noon and night is clipping grocery coupons.
- You file your income taxes and the IRS returns them stamped, “Charity Case — Return To Sender.”
- You set the world record for mailing $1.00 rebate requests.
- You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1 bill into your billfold and it goes into shock.
- You get arrested for taking the coins out of the fountain in the mall.
Tags: reasons for a raise, job humor
Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation:
- If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
- If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
- If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
- If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
- If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
- If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
- If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
- If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
- If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
- If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
- If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
- If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.
- Finally! If they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor hear what you say to them. Put them in Congress!
Tags: job placement humor, work joke
Next time you want to make an expensive personal call at work, think again. You know your company is strict when 150,000 North Korean watch a factory boss get executed for making international calls at work.
Puts things into perspective a bit when we have employees bitching about an employee make an innocent joke that they take out of context, or how their keyboard and chair aren’t perfectly ergonomic so they want to replace them with more uncomfortable equipment for the whole office. Freedom has it’s price, and sometimes that price is annoying coworkers.
File that under brings new meaning to the phrase “you’re fired”
Tags: North Korean executions, international phone calls
Rossi was the manager of an upscale men’s wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.
Rossi looks at Abe’s resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before.
Rossi says to Abe, “Wow… for someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary.”
“Well I suppose I am,” Abe replies, “but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing.”
Tags: hard work humor, job joke
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.
Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 x 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 x 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.
Medical Student: “4″
All others looking astonished: “How did you know?”
Medical Student: “I memorized it.”
Tags: career humor, office joke
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
- I’ve run away to join a different circus.
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Bob’
Tags: automatic email replies, email jokes
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
- Boy I’m stuffed!
If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be most famous for?
- Their age.
Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?
- Because their buckle is on their hat.
If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
- Pilgrims
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
- They suspected it of fowl play.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
- Yes, a building can’t jump at all.
Tags: Thanksgiving jokes, corny jokes
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