Want to get out of going to work but don’t want to use a vacation or sick day? Why not fake being kidnapped? It may not have turned out so well for the woman in the story, but maybe you could learn from her mistakes and do it right.
The woman actually says her reason was more to get out of paying back a coworker $32.90 she owed him. Of course, after her fake kidnapping fiasco (which cost the city quite a lot of time and money searching for her), she now faces a possible fine of 1,000 euros.
File that under kidnapping = bad excuse.
Tags: fake kidnapping, work excuses
Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.
“How are you going to do that?”
“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. “I’m a lightbulb.”
“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.
“I can’t work in the dark,” he said.
Tags: work joke, office humor
Power Point presentations have become a stable of the office meeting. The following video shows just how insane the phenomenon has become.
Tags: power point video, funny video
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, “Some a**hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”
“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.
“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.
The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”
“Really?!” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.”
“Seriously??” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”
Tags: Canadian humor, Canada joke
The executives of the A1 Steak Sauce Company were impressed with their new billboard.
It showed a handsome-husband-type guy being served a large plate of steak and potatoes seated at a table in what appeared to be a smart restaurant. An attractive, well endowed, young blonde waitress was standing over him, handing him a bottle of A1 sauce.
Originally they had titled the billboard, “What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don’t?”
But after complaints from the public, that the ad was too suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads: “He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?”
Tags: bilboard humor
Now I don’t know how many of these are real calls or just prank calls, but this list of Britain’s stupidest call centre calls is pretty damn funny.
An example from the article:
Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”
Operator: I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about”.
Caller: “In the user guide it clearly states I need to unplug the fax machine from the wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Can you give me his number?”
Operator: “I think you mean the telephone point on the wall”.
Yeah, so they are pretty bad. I still can’t believe they are real phone calls, but if they are, I’m afraid for all of us.
File that under people should need licenses to use phones.
Tags: stupid phone calls
Curious about how your country’s minimum vacation days stacks up with the rest of the world’s? Check out this list which I found from this news post.
In the United States, there are no minimum vacation days mandated by law, though according to the list 10 days is standard. Looking at most of the other industrialized nations, that 10 days really does look sad.
Tags: minimum vacation days
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications & said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” the man said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
Tags: work joke, job application humor
Barry Cooper used to work as a Texas drug agent. In fact, his former boss has said that Cooper may have been the best narcotics officer in the country. So what does Cooper plan on doing with this time now that he’s no longer a cop? Why, use that narcotics knowledge to make a video showing people how to hide drugs of course.
“My main motivation in all of this is to teach Americans their civil liberties and what drives me in this is injustice and unfairness in our system,” Cooper explains, though I’m guessing it’s all about the money and not about civil liberties.
File that under damn cavity searches.
Tags: cop humor, narcotics, cavity searches
1.Did you get any under the tree?
2. I think your balls are hanging too low.
3. Check out Rudolph’s honker!
4. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff.
6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
7. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
8. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
9. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
Tags: Chrismas joke
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