Yes, I have yet another shameless plug for my Almost True News site, this time regarding a story about how Battlestar Galactica is real! Keep in mind once again the name of the site is Almost True News.
If you haven’t been watching the show on the SciFi channel, you really are missing out. It’s an incredibly good show. Granted, I am part nerd (ok, more than just a part), so it’s hard for me not to like a show about spaceships and robots. Next season is a few months away so you still have time to go nab the previous episodes on DVD.
And look at that, I’ve put a nice little link there for you so you don’t have to go searching for seaon one.
Tags: Battlestar Galactica
For all you criminals out there, I found this list of the 12 best places to go to prison. Of course, if you’re already in prison you’re probably already stuck where you’re at.
I’m actually suprised to read that most requests for specific prisons by convicts are honored by judges (as long as they meet the security requirements for their crime). I guess it doesn’t really hurt to let them pick their prison, though it’s kind of weird that you’d actually get to choose where to go since you are being punished.
Besides, letting a prisoner choose where they go to prison is just how a Prison Break happens (awesome show).
Tags: Prison Break, best prisons
Many have watched at least part of one of those dog shows on television, but those were all about finding the nicest looking dogs, not the world’s ugliest dogs.
I know I shouldn’t laugh at the picture of “Pee Wee Martini”, but how could I not chuckle? The whole idea that dog owners have a competition to find the ugliest dog in the world is actually pretty sad… sad and hilarious.
File that under add not having a dog look like that to my list of life goals.
Tags: world’s ugliest dog, Pee Wee Martini, dog show
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open.
His secretary walked up to him and said, “Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?”
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said, “When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?”
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, “No, Boss, I didn’t. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires.”
Tags: boss joke, office humor, zipper down
Just wanted to give a heads up that there is a free shipping deal going on over at the Squirrelinabox Store for orders of $50 or more. Just enter “DADSHIP” (without quotes) during checkout for free shipping.
The offer is good until 6/9/2006 so if you’re looking for some unique gifts for Father’s Day, head on over and check it out.
Tags: free shipping, Father’s Day gifts
In a sad, but still humorous story, a woman was scammed out of $95,000 when a “psychic” told her it was cursed. I feel bad for the woman, but you really have to be a little slow to fall for something like that. I’m not saying she deserved it, but it seems like it would be just a matter of time before she was scammed if she would fall for such a thing.
What’s interesting is the woman’s response, saying “I’m going to find her. I’m going to make a film about this. This is a wakeup call, so I’m going to do something about it.” I’m not quite sure what sort of movie could be made of the incident, but a movie about her making a movie about it would be damn funny.
File that under I’d be willing to take your cursed money off you for free.
Tags: money scam, psychic, cursed money
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds four envelopes. On one he finds the words “open me first,” and the other three are numbered one to three.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: “These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second and envelope three third.”
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the three envelopes. So, he opens the first one and it says: “Blame me, your predecessor for every thing.”
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved and everybody’s happy.
A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads: “Blame the government for everything.”
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later, the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads: “Prepare four new envelopes.”
Tags: work joke, office humor, strike humor
While waiting for his friend to be processed on drunk driving charges, 21 year old Adam Jewett attempted to steal the gumball machine from the police station lobby. He didn’t get far as a police officer spotted him in the parking lot with the stolen goods.
Jewett was charged with petit larceny. Yeah, I said petit larceny, not making it up. We’ve all probably heard of grand larceny, but apparently there is petit version. I knew there were different degrees of larceny, but I wouldn’t have imagined one would actually be called petit. Imagine having to tell your cellmate in prison that you are in jail for petit larceny…
File that under it should be called murder in the petit degree.
Tags: petit larceny, gumball machine, funny news
A tourist wanders into a back alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat.
The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and an extra thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”
“You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but, I’ll take the rat.”
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars and start following him.
Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously — now not just thousands but millions — so that by the time he comes racing to the water’s edge a trail of rats 12 city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can throw it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
“Ah sir, you’ve come back for the rest of the story,” says the owner.
“No,” says the tourist, “I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer!”
Tags: lawyer joke, work humor
I just so happen to live in Orange County in Southern California (you know, like from the TV show O.C.), and apparently it’s not so great a place for mail carriers. Why, you ask? Maybe because Orange County ranks 2nd for mail carriers bitten by dogs.
So, if you’ve watched the show and want to come on over to O.C., do so at your own risk if you’re a mailman or mailwoman.
File that under bad doggy.
Tags: dogs biting mail carriers, mailman, O.C., Orange County
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