Like the title says, Maxim has posted a funny list of 30 things you can do with a single dollar. The great thing is that it’s not a list of things you can buy with a dollar, just things you can do with a dollar. This allows for some hilarious items to be included on the list.
A few of my favorites from the list include:
- 5. Hold a hooker’s hand.
- 14. Buy enough breadcrumbs to go for a walk in the forest and not get lost.
- 19. Pay off all your debts in Mexico.
- 21. Eat it. Then laugh as you shit money. (Don’t eat it again.)
As you can see, there are a some good ones (#21 is probably my favorite). Make sure you check out the full list as there are quite a few other funny items.
Tags: Maxim, things you can do with a dollar
If you’ve got an office refrigerator at your workplace where people can store their lunches in the morning, you’ve probably encountered people taking out food that they didn’t put in. Often times the labels workers place on their meals do nothing to stop the growling stomach of a coworker, which is why more extreme measures sometimes need be taken.
Not only does the article talk about the common phenomenon of lunch theft in the workplace, it also gives some example of what people have done for revenge. For instance, one man decided to cover his sandwhich with laxative oil, an act that taught his coworkers that his food was definitely off limits.
The article also claims that the accounting and customer-service departments are the most likely to steal food while managers and information technology departments are the least likely. I, personally, have never been a food theft victim or perpetrator, though I’ve definitely seen it happen.
Tags: office lunch, food theft, office refrigerator
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson 1: Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
Management Lesson 2: Not everyone who gets you out of deep doo doo is your friend.
Management Lesson 3: And when you’re in deep in it, keep your mouth shut!
Tags: management humor, work joke, management lesson
After finding the Hardcore Marketing Guru video starring Aziz Ansari, I discovered an even funnier video series of his called Shutterbugs. The Shutterbugs series features Aziz Ansari and Rob Huebel as cut throat talent agents for little kids.
The characters are too damn funny to even begin to describe, so you’ll just have to watch it for yourself. Be warned though, they do cuss in the video so use headphones in your office if you want to play it safe. There’s three episodes out there now and I’ve attached the first one below.
Tags: Shutterbugs, talent agency humor, Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, funny video
With most trying to retire at as young an age as possible, 90 year old Hoy Wong continues to mix drinks as a bartender and has no desire to retire anytime soon. He’s served everyone from Marilyn Monroe and John Lennon to the Duke of Windsor.
I guess if you really love what you do, there’s no reason to quit, but to be working at age 90 is definitely something I want to avoid. I’d be cool to see a video of him mixing drinks, especially if he does flair bartending (crazy bartending tricks). I bet he’s got some incredible stories to tell to - should probably write a book or something.
File that under talk about job security, who’d fire a 90 year old.
Tags: bartender, flair bartending, retirement
Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road. A brand new Lincoln SUV screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a Bhs tie gets out and asks the shepherd: “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says: “Okay.”
The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters the NASA uplink, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says: “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd answers: “That’s correct, you can have the sheep of your choice.”
The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: “Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?”
The young man answers: “Sure.”
The shepherd says: “You are a consultant.”
“Exactly! How did you know,” asks the young man?
Very simple, answers the shepherd. “First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about my business and I’d really like to have my dog back.”
Tags: consultant joke, shepherd joke
In an effort to try and help the employees they lay off, Northwest Airlines gave the newly unemployed booklets offering 101 Ways to Save Money. The booklet includes hilarious tips such as “don’t be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash”.
I don’t know about you, but if I were just fired, a booklet like that would just add insult to injury. Maybe there are a few good tips in there, but if some of them are saying to look through trash or get sample drugs from doctors, I think they probably do more harm than good.
File that under I wonder if theft, prostitution, and drug dealing are included.
Tags: money saving tips, Northwest Airlines
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Tags: engineer joke
Improv Everywhere strikes again, this time hitting Home Depot with about 200 people all shopping in slow motion. Actually, they did 5 minutes of slow motion, then 5 minutes of shopping normal, then 5 minutes completely frozen. The frozen part is the more hilarious of the two, but both are pretty funny. Below is a video montage of the events. You can check out the link above for the full story with more videos and pictures.
Tags: Improv Everywhere, Home Depot
In a story that seems taken straight from the movies, a convicted robber joined the Vietnamese police force to evade authorities for more than 20 years. Not only did he join the force, he apparently did a good job as he was promoted to police chief as well as being elected to the Dakru People’s Council.
I wonder if he worked extra hard while being a part of the police force to make sure he wouldn’t be detected. He was eventually discovered and was thrown out of the Communist Party that he became a member of.
File that under hope he doesn’t have to share a cell with the same people he put away.
Tags: Vietnamese police force, robber humor
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